Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
