And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
