I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
