I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
