i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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