my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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