i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
