We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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