I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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