I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize