I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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