So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
