Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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