Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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