you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
