I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you pee in the oven last night??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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