So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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