i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
