aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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