Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
