I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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