he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
