I'm lost and stupid without you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
