i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
