I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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