party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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