Your tits are I can't wait for
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
