Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
