no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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