his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
