last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
