We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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