my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
