The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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