And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
