Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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