I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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