If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
