you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
