we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
