I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
