oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize