I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
