Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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