yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
