if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
