If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
