i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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