Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
