The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Randomize
