Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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