So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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