she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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