what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
