Cold hands, warm shart.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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