I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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