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No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
