New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
