I just pynch a tree in the face
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it because I queefed?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
