Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They took my balls.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
