Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
