Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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