Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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