Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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