Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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