I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
