my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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