Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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