You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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