You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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