no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
