well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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