I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
