So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
