my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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