She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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