I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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