Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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