How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
