i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
