are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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